The Most Important Dating Life Hack to Learn (Ep. 51)

A dating life hack that will dramatically improve your happiness and satisfaction as a male is spinning plates, or date non-exclusively. Most guys do not do this because it is contrary to our nature and goes against everything the media tells us.

Even male focused media like Jordan Peterson and now what they’re calling the white pill people are pushing the idea that women should be able to do whatever they want and males just need to get better. We constantly hear that message, that we need to just “man up”, focus on ourselves, make ourselves into something worthy and the women will soon follow.

And I do agree that you should always strive to be your best self. My company is all about pursuing excellence over women. But that doesn’t mean at the expense of women. Because if you were to go full MGTOW monk mode until you’re successful, you will sacrifice a critical component of your education that will make you vulnerable to new problems in life.

Whether you intend to have relationships with women or not, it is vital that you learn as much about female nature and intersexual dynamics as possible. Because women are half the population and aren’t going anywhere. Also, when you are tunnel-vision focused on success and reach it without any understanding of women, you end up being easily fucked over by them like Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, and Will Smith to name a few.

What to Expect Without

Suppose you ignore today’s episode and do nothing but what you’ve heard from previous episodes. First thing’s first, you’ll still be far more successful than most other guys at attracting women. You will get many dates and probably even have a lot of sex. You may even end up with a wonderful girlfriend that before reinventing yourself, you could have only dreamed of. But here’s how that relationship trajectory will go:

  1. Initial dates occur, she laughs easily around you and it becomes clear that she likes you. She’ll even lose herself in making out with you
  2. She texts you saying how she cannot wait to see you again. Or inform you that she’s thinking about you.
  3. After 3 or so dates, you’ll have sex and it is the best she’s had in a long time or ever.
  4. The time spent together becomes more meaningful, as you share with each other your deepest secrets, dreams and desires. You become exclusive.
  5. Intimacy grows as you agree to intertwine your life paths with each other. This is the peak of the relationship.
  6. You may move in together, get engaged or get married. It will feel like a major life milestone and burden can be crossed off your list now.
  7. She has seen every side of you she believes there is. The desire to know more starts to die down. Your love for her is no longer a sweet prize to attain, but rather an expectation.
  8. Sex will occur less frequently. Excuses like her mood are made. But what’s really going on is that she figures she has you locked down and can have it whenever, so why now?
  9. As a result, you will feel less loved and less appreciated. Meanwhile, her expectations of you grow in size. Originally, she just liked the bread, now in her mind she bought the whole bakery.
  10. You do your best to meet these expectations, all for little to no appreciation in return.
  11. As time goes on, familiarity breeds resentment. You end up spending more time with your friends, complaining about her and they razz you for it. She spends more time with her friends, who tell her either explicitly or implicitly that she could do better than you.
  12. Her hypergamous nature kicks in. Everything you’ve provided for her up to this point, despite the difficulty overcome in effort, has become a mere minimum standard for her.
  13. Once she sees that others can and do have better, that becomes a new aspiration for her. First, the expectations on you are increased. When you cannot meet them, she will look elsewhere.
  14. From here, it spirals downward. Other options she could have had are now seen as options she should have. It either ends in an affair, breakup or divorce.

The trajectory is tragic.

A common response to these predictions is “my relationship is different,” or “my woman is not like that.” But all the proof one needs to confirm it is to look at how quickly women get over the end of relationship. Particularly when they initiated the breakup, they act as if the guy who poured so much of himself into the relationship never even existed. He’s completely forgotten about, along with his feelings.

You may have experienced this yourself. Have you ever been on the floor with a deep depression, contemplating suicide, while it seems she’s out there enjoying life like you and her never were together?

Despite all your sacrifices for her. Maybe you moved to be closer to her or settled for a lesser job to have more time with her. Despite all your loyalty. Never did you cheat or so much as flirt with another woman even in a desperate fight against your biological drives. Despite all your connection. You spilled out your soul to her, said and did things no one else would ever know.

Now you don’t exist.

The ghosting begins and you may as well be dead as it won’t make a difference to her.

dating life hack
Boo!

This behavior was written extensively about and described brilliantly by Rollo Tomassi in his essay, “War Brides”. What should be taken from it is not a resentment to all women as a whole, but an understanding of their nature. This is not done to you out of callousness. This is evolution at work again.

In the times of old, when one tribe would conquer another, the conquerors would kill all the men but keep the women for themselves. For their own survival, the women of the conquered tribe had to learn to forget about their fallen lovers in order to bond with their conquerors. This ability to forget has carried through the ages giving women this superpower to forget all about what you’ve done for them.

Coupled with hypergamy, it also creates an inability to appreciate anything you do for them even as you’re doing it.

This is not meant to vilify women or to build resentment for them. It is only to explain their nature. The fact of the matter is that no matter what they tell you, deep down they only see you as an option that can be easily dropped as society has no consequences for her doing so.

The fear of missing out overrules all. Your sacrifices. Your feelings. Your income or income ability. Your wealth. Your good looks. Your ability to be a good father to her children. Your romantic expressions. Your great personality. None of these can overpower her fear of missing out.

How, then, are you to proceed? By option optimization.

A Book of Beauty

If you are just an option, then so too are they. If they fear missing out, make them fear missing out on you. Alpha Male Strategies refers to this method as a “Rotation,” Rollo Tomassi refers to it as “Spinning Plates,” and I call it a “book of beauty”, much like how a financial advisor or salesman establishes his own book of business.

The advisor/salesman is not dependent on one client but serves many. Thus, he does not have to constantly bug one for business. Doing so would cost him that business. Just as blowing up a girl’s phone or texting her constantly would cause her to lose interest in you. Desperate behavior of any sort or doing anything that gives her the idea that you lack options with women would turn her off. Therefore, having many options will prevent that.

This does not mean be a player.

Repeat, this does not mean be a player. The reason you are doing this is not to get laid as often as possible by as many women as possible, although that is a side effect. The purpose of this is to protect yourself from making an ego-investment in just one girl. The dangers of One-itis. These ego-investments ruin the experience of both you and the girl.

When you focus on just one, you’re dependent on her reactions to you. Every text message from her becomes a temporary high and when the messages or bits of attention she gives you cease; it becomes an unbearable pain. Pressure is taken off both of you when you mutually realize that you’re not the only options for each other.

The games of “is it too early to call or not?” can be dropped when you have many to call. The worries about who’s more interested disappear. The concern that you’re appearing more desperate is no longer a concern. There are plenty of women for you and it’s now up to them to put their best foot forward.

If the women know you are doing this, they may complain. But when you are doing it without their knowledge, the only complaint they will offer up is that they don’t get enough time with you, which is the best admission you could hear from her. If you hear those words, “We don’t spend enough time together,” you are doing everything right. It means she wants you.

The truth of the matter is that women would rather share a quality man than have a dedicated loser that other women don’t want. What fuels hypergamy is the desire to have a man that other women want so she can present him as a huge middle finger to her “fren-emies”. Her girlfriends do it to her when they brag about how great their man is. It’s no mistake that women are more attracted to men that are not available.

what gets you laid
They’d rather share him.

You’ve noticed it yourself, how women are more interested in you when you’re in relationship but not interested when you’re not. It’s hypergamy at work. It tells them that this man in a relationship must be great because another woman has already pre-approved him, and now they’re missing out on him. The same effect can be achieved by having a book of beauty.

When you are seeing many women at once, spinning plates or juggling a rotation of them, they notice something is different. Even if they are unaware of the fact that you are doing this, it shows in your behaviors, which is what she’s ultimately attracted to. Your demeanor changes once you realize you do have options. Your feelings for them become unclear, which is what causes them to be more interested and attracted to you.

With each woman in your circle, you do not care as much about what they think of you. Therefore, you become more of your own man and do not put them on pedestals. The relationship is no longer her being the valuable, prized princess in a high tower looking down on you, the pauper with a value-sucking identity. You are now the prize that requires her efforts to win.

As a result, you yourself become a happier person and more fun to be around. There’s less anxiety in each interaction with her. Because one of the secrets to happiness is not to have more things to care about, but less. Again, in Mark Manson’s book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, he writes that when we give too many fucks, when we choose to give a fuck about everything, then we feel as though we are perpetually entitled to feel comfortable and happy at all times, that’s when life fucks us.

In a stroke of his brilliant prose, he presents that not giving a fuck doesn’t make you indifferent, but makes you okay with being different. You want to be different, not like all other guys, who show that they care too much and fall flat on their faces in failure.

It is no different than going to a job interview when you already have a job. You are not desperate and are now in a position to negotiate compensation. You are not at the mercy of their dictates for what you will make. You have the ability to walk away. Or it could be likened to going to your current employer, asking for more with confidence, because you have offers and options from other employers.

This is a difficult approach to adopt for the truly romantic guys that are dead set on a monogamous outcome, or marriage-minded. And it is perfectly fine to be of that mind. But I encourage these men to consider this: if you truly believe in the one, how will you know that you’ve found the right one unless you’ve explored all your options? Is life not too short to explore them one at a time? Is your time not valuable? And lastly, are you not valuable enough for your best option to come looking for you?

In this approach, you are given the agency to select the best from all your options. Whereas in the former, you’re more likely to settle for what you can find most easily and readily available. If you believe in the one, how can you be sure she is the one unless you have comparisons?

Further, the reason said guy is so monogamous and marriage-minded is that he knows what a life-changing decision it is. The importance put upon it must match its consequences. The effort you’ll be required to put in for maintenance of such a relationship demands that you put in that same amount of effort in finding such a relationship. Not doing so risks you throwing your life away on a bad bet.

It is a great gamble to settle down for just one woman, to make her your only source of romantic love and intimacy. You must be sure you made the right choice when you do so.

A final reason to see multiple women at once: they are seeing multiple guys at once. It is not done so much on purpose, but rather a function of societal imperatives. The imperatives tell every guy he must pursue the woman he wants and only her, one woman at a time. However, the imperatives say nothing about the woman dealing with multiple guys at a time. What is she to do when more than one guy is after her at once?

At any given time, she has a multitude of choices. Why can’t you have the same? Not doing so only leaves all the power in her lap. Not doing so only puts you at the mercy of her emotional decision-making.

From an early age, they’ve realized that they get to choose among the guys who chase. From the first high school dance, she’s asked by many guys to go with them, but the choice rests with her. This dynamic stays with her all the way into adulthood. Why should it be completely okay for them but not for you?

Obstacles to Option Optimization

Many guys will have initial hesitation to doing this, which of course shows a healthy thoughtfulness and consideration for others. There are two reasons that most guys do not build a rotation: the disgusting aftertaste of feeling like a player and the over-estimation of maintaining such a circle. Both these objections need to be dismantled.

Beginning with the initial douche bag feeling of behaving like a player, many guys not only don’t want to be called a two-timer, but they also don’t want to feel like one. They feel deep within that something is wrong and out of place when they see more than one woman at a time. A duplicitous deceiver wearing the façade of a lover which hides the true nature of a cheater.

Cultural conditioning paints such a man in a negative light, calling him a player, a tool, or a fuckboy. These guys are shamed out of the marketplace, public office and existence if they are caught in infidelity. They are also vilified in movies and on TV. Oddly enough, when a wife cheats on her husband, it is also used as an excuse to make negative value judgments on the husband. He wasn’t doing enough to make her happy, they say.

Thus, the deeply in-grained bad feelings of being a player is programmed into you early on. But here’s the truth: these feelings are only justified when you are using the women for mere self-pleasure purposes. A player does not sleep with many women because he truly loves them or is even interested in them as a person. He does it only to satisfy biological urges.

You on the other hand, with your book of beauty, are doing this because you genuinely love women. All of them. Each one in your book is one that you could potentially end up in a long-term relationship with. That’s why you’re doing this to begin with: to find your best option among them.

Further, who says you can’t love more than one woman at the same time, who says it is wrong? And what evidence do they have to justify this assertion? Answers: societal imperatives and none.

When you father a child, you give that child 100% of your love. But when you have a second child, do you chop your love in half and give 50% to each one? Or do you tell the second one, “Sorry, sonny. I would love you if I could, but your older brother got all of it first.” Of course not. Because love is not a finite resource. It is an infinite emotion that has plenty of it to go around.

This love you spread around among multiple partners is in fact more true love than you give to someone you are dating exclusively. That is because you are not putting a great amount of pressure on them to be the perfect one. If they are not able to meet a certain need you have, there are others in your book of beauty that can. Thus, you open your eyes in a non-judgmental way to these lovers and see who they really are. Consequently, you learn to love and appreciate them for who they truly are, not who you hope they’ll be or become.

Also, what allows you to become a better, more thoughtful, more well-rounded person? Exposure to different perspectives and people. Such perspectives are best seen by interacting with people far different from you. Instead of pressuring or hoping they’ll change to conform to your pre-set hopes and expectations of a lover, you are far more accepting of who they already are without settling. And in this way, you may change your hopes and expectations, growing as an individual in search of the best option for you.

In the polyamory community, they have a word that sums up what is largely responsible for the harmony in their circles: compersion. What it means is the ability to find happiness in the happiness of others. Like when a friend who’s gone through hard times suddenly has things turn around for them, you are genuinely happy for them because you know how happy they are now. Compersion is something you will develop with those in your book of beauty.

If one them achieves a dream, like getting accepted into a prestigious school far away, or is offered a highly-respected job across the country, you will be genuinely happy for them. If they were your only option, you’d face conflicting emotions because this good news for them means bad news for your relationship. Now, because you have a circle of others, you are less harmed by the loss because you have others. That one plate may have stopped spinning and fell of its stick, but the others are still going.

On now to the objection of maintenance of a rotation. One woman is enough to handle, but a multitude must be even more difficult, as it is frequently believed. Just the thought of the literal act of spinning plates sounds stressful. Now imagine doing this when emotions are on the line.

But the truth of the matter is that the less effort you make, the more effort they make. The plates often spin themselves. The women are used to men chasing them, so they will wonder why you are not. More often, they will initiate things with you than you have to with them. And if you find yourself having to initiate things in order to make dates happen, you’ll find the reactions more favorable.

Movies and TV have often shown comedically a guy that has to go on two different dates with two different women at the same time. And often, things don’t go as planned. In real life, it is never like this. And the best way to assure that the plan does not fail is to not have a plan. Let nature take its course. In doing so, you will find that the woman among your circle that wants you the most will step up her game for you.

Is it not the woman who wants you the most among the women you want the one you’ll find yourself most happy with? She may step things up by providing you with the most sex or maybe even paying for some dates. Or for some, the best thing is that she just makes time for you. The opposite of flaking.

Many guys will feel uneasy about telling the women that they are seeing many of them, and not for selfish reasons entirely. But for concern of how it may hurt that woman emotionally. But just as there is a lot going on in her world that you don’t know about and may not even have the right to know about, the same applies to you. They don’t have to know that you are seeing multiple women.

Further, the reason you are doing this is not just for your benefit, but also for hers. In her dating life, she’s bombarded with desperate guys that will blow up her phone and cry for her attention. You will not be one to do that.

Finally, if she is your best option, you will have more evidence to support the hypothesis. The end result of choosing her makes you both happy. If she is not your best option, you’ll have more evidence to support that too. The end result will save you both from making a life-long decision that carries many negative consequences for you both later on down the road.

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